Diary of a Sinner

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2006-04-13T08:10:57Z

going_it_alone.livejournal.com

hesaidhate @ 2005-12-07T18:26:00

2005-12-08T02:31:40Z

Be happy, please.

If you only knew what I would give to put a smile on your face.

a poet once said

2005-10-09T13:57:50Z

'the worlds gonna end anyway....
we should all just be happy with what we have'

you thought you knew me,
but you have no fucking clue.

Alot Like Love is my favorite movie.
Pretty Persuasion was my favorite for a week.
Wicker Park was my favorite movie for months.
Before that it was Fight Club.
A Walk To Remember before Fight Club.
Boondock Saints before AWTR.
Garden State before the saints..
fag?
No I just watch good movies.
I am the guy who smells good.
You probably hear alot of shit about me..
but I've changed since then, get to know me
because we all know talk is cheap.
My favorite bands are Animosity/Spill Canvas/Acceptance/Warriors/RASCO
My favorite songs are Fake Blood/The Tide/Different/Scene Celebrity/VEIWTOKILL
I also bought the Justine Timberlake CD.
I also listen to K-BUL
And Youth Groups cover of Forever Young beats anything.
Figure me out yet?
insomnia
paranoia
hate
I play video games too, Final Fantasy and Soul Caluber.
For hours, and hours, and hours.
and then a few more hours.
I wear the same two pairs of pants every day[and never wash them]

if i'm anything interesting..
then talk to me?

If you die at 17,
does that mean your 17 forever?
forever young, I really do want to be
FOREVER YOUNG

hesaidhate @ 2005-08-30T12:35:00

2005-08-30T20:00:20Z

I have a new found love of my LJ. I write in it every day that I have a computer, and usually it's two entries a day. I think I'm replacing some of the ways I used to deal with pain such as anger and spite, with this. Writing something down DOES make me feel better, it's my form of self expression. I'm not very good at anything, not that I'm bad, I'm just not acceptionally better than average, but here.. here I can actually do something worth doing, write something worth reading(sometimes) and deal with things all at the same time. I'm not brushing it off.

I'm putting it in out of my mind and into a book.

neverwalktheline

2005-08-28T13:31:45Z

The only thing that separates a boyfriend/girlfriend is physicall, and an idea of owner ship. I mean there is that certain attraction and emotional bond that you have twards them that is different from your friends, but the only thing that seperates a really good friend from your boyfriend/girlfriend is that physical bond. Kissing, holding hands, all of that gives us such a rush and I don't understand why.. I don't mind it I'd just like to know WHY things are so complicated, where love came from and why do we experience it.. is it primal and we just have the instinct to search out and bond with another human being.. or am just stupid and missing something important.

errt

ayearinadayREPOST

2005-08-27T05:17:31Z

...and you walked away. i screamed your name as you walked away, but you never heard my words. i watched you until you disappeared over the horizon and the sun set behind your back. even then i dreamt of you. i dreamt of passionate kisses, longing eyes. i dreamt of a fullness that i felt with you...and i was awakened by this emptiness that i feel now. as shadows converged, i began to search the night. looking/pushing/feeling for something to fill this void...and i found nothing but burning memories of you. still a light that shown so blindingly in the darkness. these memories that i live for eat away at me inside...and for a moment, i thought i heard your voice...i followed the sound back to our garden,
you stood so beautifully among the roses, i held out my hand and you walked away.

i already put this up once, but it's pretty much the best song ever..
www.myspace.com/lovehopeandfear

to many stupid entries

2005-08-05T13:32:05Z

We sit here late at night writing live journal entries. Complaing about our lives and things that simply don't need to be complained about. We bleed our hearts out to our e buddies and our myspace friends thinking that someones going to care.. but no one really does. See how many comments you get when you write about your boyfriend breaking up with you and you need a helping hand. See how many veiws you get when you write about your dad drinking again..

I do this for me.. not for you

kill me

2005-07-31T06:56:58Z

fuck posative
kill emo kids

hesaidhate @ 2005-07-25T15:46:00

2005-07-25T22:50:34Z

over anyalyze everything.
make things that don't matter the focus of your life.
care about things that simply don't matter.
think to hard about people who don't care about you anyways.
love someone who will never love you back.
take care of something that means nothing to anyone.. not even you.
then loose everything you cared so much about.

scratch that.
all of that.
save yourself

fuck this shit up..

ayearinaday.lovehopefear

2005-07-25T00:46:38Z

cathrine

2005-07-20T07:18:35Z

Each time you open your mouth
I want to rip your heart out
Each word you say to me
Is designed to make me
Hate myself worse than I
Have ever hated you?
With you the scene is a battlefield
Death to all who don't look like you But you wear a uniform too
With you the scene is war
You say that were face
You say that were talentless
But you dance just the same
You are a coward
You don't want a unity
All you want is uniformity
So much for your
Claims of acceptance and brotherhood
You are a heartless snake
I hope one day
You face your vision and it destroys you
Like the dream you claim to embrace
I hope one day your scene destroys you

fag

2005-07-19T01:17:48Z

The other day I went to rancho. I walked around for a while and we saw claire and she was playing with baby fuckin leapords, Which is tough, so I played with the baby leapords and it scratched me and now it's all fucke dup... which sucks cause now I have leapord diseases from India and my arms gonna fall off.. but it was cool.. I want a tiger to ride around on.. and a sword like he man

wtf?

you can't kill heroes

2005-07-18T08:15:21Z

Do you have a hero?
I don't know if any of us can have one person that we only look up to, people that we have nothing but admiration and respect for. I know many people that have different things that I love and respect about them.. but in everyone there is something not to like, something wrong, but that's human nature.. no one is perfect.
My hero is an assembly of the best people I know.. not just one person.
The courage and passion of a cagefighter.. a boxer.. a "warrior".
The imagination of a writer.. a cartoonist.
The experience of a retirement home.. of grandparents.(haha)
The love of a marrige.. of a young couple.
The mental dexterity or a therapist..

I don't know what else would make a perfect "hero" but those are some things that make my hero.. that would make the one person i could just look up to completely.. anything to add?

hesaidhate @ 2005-07-14T13:45:00

2005-07-14T20:48:17Z

I'm ok. I promise

Oh yeah, Fate13 tonight.

In case you don't know who Fate Thirteen is they're the best band ever, period, and if you DON'T know then you obviously suck.

Fate13.. like Lane, they kill fools.

hesaidhate @ 2005-07-12T15:40:00

2005-07-12T22:41:33Z

Have you ever watched the wild horses run through the nothingness of Nevada

worrddd

2005-06-28T03:21:17Z

www.myspace.com/dorcia

lane kills fools..

wisdom

2005-06-26T21:20:17Z

I read in the bible that "death is of the tounge".
So if you talk about death enough death is gonna come.

Why do you have to take me back to where I came from?
I'm gonna make you remember where you know my name from..

hesaidhate @ 2005-06-24T23:28:00

2005-06-25T06:30:09Z

I would have never made it through that arkansas mud if it hadn't been for that Tennesse Stud..

hesaidhate @ 2005-06-24T23:19:00

2005-06-25T06:22:38Z

Hear the lonesome whiperwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
I’m so lonesome I could cry

I’ve never seen a night so long
When time goes crawling by
The moon just went behind a cloud
To hide it’s face and cry

Did you ever see a robin weep
When leaves begin to die
That means he’s lost the will to live
I’m so lonesome I could cry

The silence of a falling star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you are
I’m so lonesome I could cry

tonight the Nevada sky showed it's true colors. straight out of a cowboys poem or a painting in an old ranch home

SS

2005-06-23T02:37:12Z

I just realised the himsa song "Kiss or Kill" is about taking the life of a woman who took your heart, he's crazy like johny cash and killed the bitch

dehlias gone.. one more round.. dehlias gone..

june22

2005-06-22T07:24:30Z

It's nights like this that keep us apart.

false

2005-06-21T23:23:30Z

self destruction is the answer

We come into life with nothing. We work to buy things we can't take with us. You really can't understand anything until you have nothing. No matter how long we sit and ponder about life and what we are meant for, it will never make sense. No matter how many people decipher life and no matter how long it takes, they will never truely understand something that just IS

we are that much closer to hitting rock bottom

farawayplace.yourfamiliarface.

2005-06-19T23:52:37Z

You know what should suck. Michigan. There isn't anything to do, and no one there but an old childhood friend, but you know what? Michigan is green, everything is green, you can walk ten yards into the trees and look back and not see where you came from. I always thought fire flys were a myth before I say them one night sitting out in the front yard of that quaint little house. Glittering in the evening sky, they were so beautiful for somehting so simple. Everyone looked at me like i was on something when i walked around and caught around 30 of them just to watch them flicker.
Another great thing about that place is the rain. It doesn't rain like it does here, it's like god turned on the faucet to full bore, the roads become rivers and standing in the rain for 10 seconds is like walking around under our storms for an hour. it's just amazing the amount of water that comes out of the sky in such a short time.
When I was there it seemed so amazing how close everything was. If I wanted to go somewhere, say the Pigley Wigley(yeah I thought that was just a made up place too, like fireflys) all I'd have to do is hop on my bike and take a short ride to the store for a dollar soda. It was always fun riding around down there cause everything seemed like it was built to ride.. built to jump. simply amazing.
I really, really wanna go to the south land.
Tennessee and the home of country music, Nashville. I want to visit Dollywood, because in all honesty Dolly Parton is a white trash idol, and i'm white trash. I also want to visit Graceland, the former home of rock and roll god Elvis Presely. I want to see if that lonestar song about seeing the king walk around right in front of the gaurds is true. I want to visit Georgia and see if that song "georgia rain" could really happen to me.. "i don't know what was poundin more, the heart in my chest or the hood of that ford" from the rain of course.
I want to visit Colorodo and see the great rocky mountains.. but fuck the Salt Lake, that big pond scared me away from above.. it's like there was a great battle in the heavens and that's where the blood rained.. if you've ever seen the lake you know exactly what i mean.
I want to visit the mid west.. i forget what states are around there but i just want to drive across the plains that seem like they're never going to end, and when they do i'll drive back across.
My dad always tells me great storys about the red wood forests of the east in Maine and surrounding states. He tells me that there are trees there so tall, that it would take 3 of our tallest pine trees to even come close to being that tall.. the base of these trees are as big as my house, there's even one you can drive through it's absolutely amazing and i've never even seen them.
I want to visit arizona and see the great Grand Canyon and see how grand it really is for myself.
I want to go to New York and stare at the pit where the massive World Trade Center once stood over all other buildings in the town.. and pay my respects to the people who died over something they were never involved in. I want to stand in the crown of the statue of liberty and see the waters in which my family came in on so many years before.
I want to visit Florida and see Gator World, and of course Disney world. I want to see miami and visit the shit hole taco stand Al Pacino worked at in "Scarface".
This is the lamest one of all but I really want to see the so called "Dawsons Creek" and sit on that dock where Dawson and Joey sat so many nights so deep in love. fuck that Pacey guy though.. bastard.
I also want to go over seas to Japan, but first I'll make a stop at hawaii and see just how amazing it is for myself. and see just how happy it will make me just to be in that kind of atmosphere.
After Hawaii I want to go to Japan. Not so much to see anything but to learn. I want to study under a master and learn how to come to peace with myself. I actually do want to see the incredible temples and ride the rivers with the soaring granite cliffs you see in all of those incredible paintings.
I want to see thailand and eat some good food.. and I think that's where there are bungalos that are out over the water, and you can dive off your porch and be in the bluest of waters.
I don't want to see africa.. i dunno there's nothing there to really make me want to see anything there but i really, really want to see india. I want to walk in the forests and picture Mogely and Balloo dancing with King Lui haha.
I want to see Italy and eat the pasta and tell Ferrari I'm a famous american pop star so they will let me test drive the new F465. After they kick me out of their building for good then i want to buy a scooted and ride around rome with someone like in that hilary duff movie. You know the Lizzie McGuirre one where her and Palo cruise around on a vespa all day?
I'll go to England and.. i dunno what the hell to do in england.. but Kate and I are supposed to wreck those british fools and show them who's boss haha.

The sad thing is, after all this i won't be one bit closer to being over it.

<3Can't Take my Eyes Off of You<3

2005-06-17T08:14:42Z

i can't take my eyes off of you, i can't take my mind off of you

i'll be going through with drawls of you for this one night we have spent

today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you

hope dangles on a string like slow spining redemption, winding in, winding out

now she's in me, always with me, a tiny dancer in my hand

when you cry i wipe away all of your tears, when you scream i fight away your fear

the tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression..

i don't wanna let her see me cry, lookin out the window wonderin why.. did we have to say all those things that we said last night

rollin down a loneyl high way, askin god to please forgive me, for messin up the lesson he gave to me..

this is my december.. these are my snow covered hills. this is my december.. this is all so real

heaven meant tot ake my hand and lead me through the fire. the long awaited answer to a long and painful fight

i really love this cd...

drink of the river.

2005-06-16T06:00:51Z

in ancient japan there was a samurai warrior. he had no human companions, the only thing he held true to was his beautiful hawk. as he rode across the plains the hawk would sore above him following him into battle and to the ends of the earth. on a journey from a battle in the south the warrior stopped for a drink. the hawk swept down in front of the samurai before he could take his cup to the water fall fed pond and scratched him on his hand. angry the master warned the hawk and scolded it for the attack on it's master. the hawk once again flew into the sky. and as soon as the samurai bent down for another drink the hawk again swept down scratching him in the face. the warrior very angry at the hawk drew his blade and again warned the hawk. and yet again the hawk took off up into the sky. on his third advance the master put his cup to the water and when the hawk yet again attacked him he ended his companions life with one swift motion of his sword. the hawk fell beheaded in the pool. as the blood leaked into the water the samurai payed his respects to his friend and apologized for his life and stepped up the rocks to the top of the water fall due to the blood in the pond before him. in the higher level lay a snake, not just any snake.. but the most poisonous snake in all the land. the master realized that if he had drank from the lower level of the pond he would have surely died a painful death.. and that his companions death was because of his own ignorance.

this isn't directed to any situation in my life or anyone in my life. it is just a very moving story and i wanted more people to read it. i've known this story since i was in 4th grade and i don't think i've ever really told anyone but i've always remembered it. i don't remember much from when i was young but i vividly remember this tale.. pass it on. and if you know then will you please tell me where it came from?